why was i so angry...?

Circa 2004

deja vu

Seems like somethig like this happened to someone I know recently.

happy thanksgiving

Warning: not for the squeamish

why bother...

Once in a while, I'll draw a comic strip about my job. Why bother when someone does a great strip about it everyday?

You can read "Retail" at the Seattle PI website everyday.

today

let's see...
I didn't have to go to school.
I spent the morning with my boyfriend.
I had an awesome breakfast.
I got my math homework done at work.
I think I got paid more for the holiday.
I found a vicodin while sweeping at work.

And...I have a new episode of Passions to watch.
It was a pretty good day.

what ever happened to Sinbad?

Someone asked this recently, I think someone at work. Well, apparently he'll be in Tacoma at the Emerald Queen Casino, the number one place for fun, on Nov. 23rd and 24th.
I noticed that the casino is in Tacoma, but the hotel is just over I5 in Fife, WA. There is a shuttle.
Also, check out this creepy picture of Smokey Robinson they have.

passions quote of the day: 11/05/07

"I need booze, but I'll settle for pills."

passions quote of the day:10/30/07

"Nothing like a dead baby to put everyone in a bad mood."

punch in the nose

FUNeral: part one

The whole experience of my grandfather's funeral is pretty much over. I'm here at my parent's house watching a huge HD TV (new), sitting in a comfy office chair(new) blogging with their dial-up connection (also new. They upped it to 100mb/sec!) The HD TV is pretty cool. My dad wanted to show me what the picture looked like but had to find a channel that was in high definition. As he was flipping the channels he stopped and said it would have to wait. He wanted to watch Family Feud and that was not in hi-def.

Last night there was a rosary thingy. I haven't prayed the rosary since I was a kid and I'm pretty sure it was my grandfather who was leading it. Father Vicente, who has been at the parish for a very long time and knew my grandfather well, led the rosary last night. Father Vicente, a native Spaniard, has a heavy accent but I have gotten used to it over the years and understand him perfectly. I also know what he sounds like when he's talking and crying but last night while saying the rosary he had a different sound in his voice, one that sounded like a worn, warped record that has been repeating the same song over and over for decades. For those of you who don't know, the rosary consists of fifty Hail Marys said in groups of ten. It was during these that his voice became soft and warbled.


There were a lot of people at the rosary. All of my uncles, some of their families, even my sixth grade teacher, a friend of my father's who was there when KC and I made our unholy alliance all those years ago. Speaking of which, KC was sitting in his car outside. He didn't feel he was dressed enough for the occasion.

My grandma was being her usual self. As I walked up to her she told me I didn't look like Philip. I bet it's the haircut. She was a lot quieter than she has been lately but other than that she seemed fine. As the rosary was coming to a close she started shuffling with her purse, getting ready to go. She nearly dropped it and made an audible comment, something along the lines of "Nice move." After the rosary Father Vicente told about how my grandfather, who used to work for the school district, told him to take all the old chairs and desks he wanted when the parish was starting up their own catholic school and made some joke about church and state being separate. He started talking about the service/mass that took place this morning and my grandma made another audible comment. "Cut it short, Father."

Kc and I then went to a snobby coffee place we used to go to all the time before we moved to Arcata. Back then KC would hit on all the foreign girls who worked there. I even (tried to)hit on a cute, tall, skinny guy who worked there. I let him borrow my copy of Crumb. That went nowhere. Last night, thought, we had a great time catching up, listening to old-school Sebadoh, and making fun of people. I thought "This is just like old times, but better."

work tales

This woman,a regular customer who always comes in with her elderly mother, was in the store tonight and while i was bagging her groceries, she grabbed the Robitussin that she was purchasing and said "I think I'll try this now." She opened the package and took a sip. Then another. I helped her and her mother out to the car. Trying to be friendly I asked the old woman if she was ready for Halloween. A blank stare followed by an "I guess." I honestly didn't expect more than that. The woman always talked about her mom as if she wasn't there or was deaf or something, and I just wanted her to feel noticed.
As I walked to the car, and even after I had loaded the groceries into the car, I saw that the woman had not stopped sipping the Robitussin. Right before she got in the car she said "This doesn't taste very good." She kept sipping the bottle as she got in the car. I'm sure it was gone by the time she got home.

video killed the blogger

Now that I have the capability to edit video on my computer, I was thinking of doing a video blog entry. The problem is I have even less to blog about with video than I do with text. So rather then force it, I'll just wait until somehting comes up. In the meantime, here's a video of me six-packing beer at work, set to some really exciting music. It takes practice to be able to do it that fast.

ok, so....quick update

I just talked to my dad. He's doing just fine. He seemed puzzled that I even asked how he was doing. He also said that my grandma is doing fine, not showing much emotion as usual. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my family maintains it's usual stoicism, even with the death of the partiarch, a man who was the epitome of stoicism himself. I told my dad how I was feeling, even though I know that it makes him uncomfortable when I do that. He told me that grandpa would say, "Oh, don't worry about it," and he was right. He also pointed out that it wasn't a big surprise, he was 90 years old, after all.

He did tell me that my grandma, who is usually very independent, surprised him by wanting someone to stay with her overnight. I told him this didn't surprise me because, despite her independence, she always had my grandpa right there with her.

it's been quite a week

There were a lot of stressful things going on, but nothing I couldn't handle. All of those things have been resolved, also. Among other things, my tests are over and my water heater is fixed. while these things were coupled with my full work and school schedule I managed to maintain a positive attitude and cheerful demeanor. On Tuesday my Grandpa passed away and that sort of pushed me to a limit I don't think I've been to. I managed to maintain that positive attitude at work and school all the while feeling like a zombie. There was this thing that was trying to get into my brain but I was just too tired to let it sink in. The only time I felt like myself was when I talked to Jeremy about my Grandpa, the only time I gave myself to reflect upon it.

Today, I finally let it sink in. I talked to my mom, KC, and KC's mom on the phone.
I'm feeling much better now. Talking to KC always makes me feel better. I'll fly home next week and get to see my family, be there for my dad, my sister, my Grandma and everyone else. I don't know how my sister is doing other than she's in too bad of shape to talk to me yet. I haven't heard about my brother, either. He and I don't talk much. I'm going to call home now and hopefuly talk to my dad. I've only talked with my mother so far. Talking to my dad will help me know more about how he's doing and how my grandma is doing. Just thinking about her makes me tear up. I think about how she and my grandpa were almost never apart. They did everything together, even if they didn't do very much. I have no idea what's going to happen to her or the house they lived in since the 50's, or any of that. I feel so far away from my family right now, I really wish I could be with them. I can't believe I almost thought of not going down there.

On the plus side, both of my classes have been canceled for tomorrow. That will give me time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Starlight Angel

When i was in 8th grade, i watched an anime movie called "Robot Carnival." It was mostly lame, but there was one segment I really liked. I like the music, the lame love story and the robot fight. Thank Google for Youtube.

poop cake? WTF!?!

A little over a year ago I agreed to go on a semi-blind date with this dude who kept bugging me about comics and Miranda July. We went on said date and you know, we're still partying. Turns out I'm totally gay for him.
this weekend we hung out, drank, ate, made poop cake, turned ourseves into the undead, watched a movie about jumping off bridges and listened to some great disco. I'd put links in here, but i have to go to school. Stupid Higher education.

-_-_-_-_-_-

just checking in

school:
had a math test on friday. feel confident about it. the teacher says these next two weeks are the most difficult of the class. I'm starting to like math, it's like solving little puzzles.
gave an intorduction presentation in communication class. we needed two things that represented our past, our present and our future. I had:
-a pineapple
-the cover to the Boont Dusties album
-a computer printed Stephen Shore photo
-a notepad from work
-a copy of Atomic Ranch magazine
-a croissant
they were all in a small box for holding comic books. i left all of them in my math class today. meh.

what else?
my computer. My dad mailed my sister's to me and I had to mail it back. Mine was supposed to be here today, but no one was home to recieve it. my sleeping beauty volunteered to nap at my place to intercept my sisters, but today my roommate, cesar, wasn't home from work when it came. the sticker they left didn't say whether or not they would try again tomorrow. that section was left blank. my dad said he'd pay me back for shipping my sister's computer to her, but really, how can i ask that of him? he bought me a freaking computer!

And I am now paying to watch Passions, and excited about it. They're getting into Furries.


oh, and today i only spent a total of $3.77. Three cheers for frugality.

people in my house

Tom is always in the way.



Christina



Amber and Cesar



Tom



David

while i have a moment

My dad has my computer and says he'll "try to send it this week." That's sooner than I had hoped!
My first week of school went well. I'm still learning how to budget my time, although I think I did OK last week, with one exception. On Thursday I went to happy hour at Bleu with Chelsea instead of napping and doing my homework so I had to catch up on the math. I'm pretty much caught up now. Keeping my mind occupied has calmed me somewhat. My brain just had way too much free time for it's own good. It's a lot easier to go into robot mode at work. I feel further removed from the job, and at the same time I'm doing better work, in my opinion. But I sure am tired a lot.

Here's my take on my classes:

Interpersonal communication- It's gotten a lot easier for me to talk to strangers, sometimes I even do it voluntarily. Yes I still dread being put into groups or giving speeches but I have to say now I can do so with minimal effort. Before I moved to Seattle I rarely spoke a word to anyone unless poked with a stick. I already got in front of the class and told them that I've watched Days of Our Lives all my life.

Beginning Algebra- Took it once in 1995, once in 1999, and here I am again. This stuff just doesn't want to stick in my brain. For a subject that has little or no room for interpretation it can be quite complicated. I'm picking it up well, though. I think the fact that I am annoyed by the younger kids in class who say "What do we need this for?" is a good sign. I paid good money to learn this stuff, you little brat!

Yoga- makes me sleepy. It's fun, though. Here's hoping it will make me even more limber than I already am.

waiting...

Waiting for rectangular brown things seems to be all the rage these days. I'm waiting on my new espresso brown Dell Inspiron 1521. My dad got it for me because I'm back in school. The reason it's taking so long, however, is because of an uncharacteristic lapse in judgement on my father's part. He had the thing shipped to him and he was going to mail it to me. "Why?" one might ask? I have no idea, it makes no sense. So it came to his house while he was at work so he wasn't there to sign for it. I'm not sure where it is right now. bopping around California somewhere, I'm sure. When I get it, I'll let you all know so you can stop worrying.

old skool

Tomorrow is the first day of my four-year (probably more like five-year)road to a bachelor's degree. I'm starting classes at Seattle Central in an attempt to...well, I'm not sure yet. I know most people don't get jobs based on their major...oh, I don't have time to muse about the metaphysics of college degrees, I should be in bed! I just want to make my Internet rounds first. And did I pick the right school or what? Look how amazingly gay this ID card is:

supermarket sexy

...and can you believe we all got talked to today about not working hard enough? Oh, I was working it!

It's like one of my bosses says, "You gotta have fun with it."

'passions' for life

Recently Passions, the soap opera that actually caused me to start this blog last year, was cancelled on NBC but picked up by a network on DirectTV. I don't have cable much less a satellite provider, so I, like many other Passions fans, am going without. There is talk about having the episodes online in the future, most likely for a small fee.
Fortunately I discovered that NBC.com is posting highlights from the newly moved soap. This way I can kind of keep tabs on my addiction. I'm sure you are all dying to know what's been happening as well.

-Because a lot of actors didn't make the move to DirectTV, a lot of them were killed off. The most recent to bite the big one? Fox Crane.

-Eve thinks her hermaphrodite serial killer son has fallen off a cliff. Of course he survived. Now she's drinking herself into oblivion as he watches from a distance, planting pills to make sure she stay sedated.

-The mystery man the Gwen has been talking about for months turns out to be a baby that she had with Ethan. She took off a while ago and everyone thought she was barren ever since Theresa caused her to have a miscarriage. She came back with a baby. Some thing's afoot.

goodbye girls

Not too long ago, I posted a video about my friend/coworker Chelsea. Well, she's no longer a coworker, she quit last week. I am pretty bummed about it for a lot of reasons, but think it's for the best for a lot of other reasons. I realized that Chelsea is that last of the girls to leave my work. In the last few months four of the girls I close the store with have left, mostly for school. I still have Betsy, but she doesn't close with me very much. Now it's a total sausage party, and not in the cool way.
I had a nice balance of guy friends and girl friends at work. There are certainly some conversations I had with the girls, especially Chelsea, that I wouldn't have with the guys. I'm also worried that the machismo at that place will go through the roof. The guys who run it are already sexists. Oh, well, there is some good news...

Winter is coming! As I walked to work in the rain yesterday I felt the excitement of the seasons changing. I love fall and winter and today I could smell it. Not just that rainy smell but something more, something that says "It's going to be cold! Cuddle and be hugged!" Another reason I love it...work will be slow. I have already been doing crosswords and drawing on beer boxes and reading magazines to pass the time. Today, in Adbusters, I found a poem that I actually like! I'll post it here, dedicated to Chelsea.


Goodbye
I do not wish to be led down the garden path.
Why the offended look?
I have seen beauty in those petals,
marvelled at how they glisten
softly
in the morning dew.
But now dusk threatens
And I do not wish to go.

-Sophie McKeand

across the universe

I did a lot this weekend. I conquered one universe and traversed what felt like another universe.
I moseyed on over to Jeremy's place after work on Friday night, forcing him, Matthew and Steve2 to cease the 3-player game of Twilight Imperium they were starting so that I could join in. We started learning this game the previous Friday and I still don't think we have the rules all down yet. Although we are getting faster at setting the game up. We played for way too long and stayed up way too late. Jeremy and I had to get up early because we had a big day ahead of us!

Earl and Bucko came by at about 8:15 am(I'm usually not up before 10) to take us on a hike! We hiked to Mirror Lake and I tells you it was beautiful. It reminded me a lot of Endor. It was a lovely cloudy day with the sun peaking through once in a while, and one of the best things I noticed about being this far away from the city was how quiet it was. Don't get me wrong, I love the sights and sounds of the city, but it was nice to not being constantly bombarded with stimuli.
The trail itself was quite a workout. I certainly did not have the proper footwear. This is not because I thought my shoes would be adequate, but because I just plum forgot when packing my stuff for the weekend. Needless to say, my feet were a bit tender afterwards. Jeremy and I also left our lunches in the car like a couple of douche bags.
Here's some photos that Earl took and was kind enough to share:








After the hike it was back home for a shower and nap before playing more TI3 sans Steve2. One pizza, several beers and a few hours later, one man emerged victorious. That's right folks. Winner of the first completed game of Twilight Imperium...me. Even though we still may not have the rules figured out.

happy birthday, kc!!!

creepy/hot

Last night while talking on the interweb, my gentleman caller sent me a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal with a beard. Not this one, but I couldn't find the other one again. I guess he just shaved it off according to the celebrity blogs. Here's a paraphrased version of the conversation the followed:
Phil: aw, dang.
Jeremy: what?
P: Nothing.
J: Tell me
P: I just started growing my beard back.
J: OMG, me, too!
Are we doomed to always look like each other? That's fine with me, I suppose. I don't mind looking like him. My man is freaking adorable. Gyllenhall's all right, too. He's the only one I'll allow into a threesome.

chelsea at pike place

My friend/co-worker Chelsea has a temporary gig selling this guy's art at Pike Place Market. I caught up with her on her first day a while ago and made this video. I got there as she was taking everything down for the day so it's mostly her talking about it as we drank through the afternoon. And like most of my videos, the freaking audio is out of synch as the video goes on.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

you can't drown a pig, you can't burn a chicken

I was at The 5 Spot with Chelsea and as we talked, I drew this on a napkin. The color was me toying with Photoshop a minute ago.

nope. still no good reason.

As I made my last post i noticed that my inclusion of those videos were based on the influence that someone in particular has had on me. That someone noticed, too. So for STILL no good reason, here are some that are independent of his persuasion.

Please watch till the end, as a favor to me.



Beautiful song, beautiful video.



Classic.




Could it be true? Indie rock is not dead?

no good reason

There really isn't a good reason for me to go "hey, here's some youtube videos I like!", but I'm doing it anyway. And they suprisingly aren't ironic. Not even the Xanadu one.

waving goodbye

The other day Jeremy touched my head and said "It's almost time." He was referring to inevitable future I face as a bald man. I think my hair is also aware of it's approaching departure and is trying to say "Good bye." Take a look at this picture:

See that little wave? My hair has always been very, very straight. I decided to stop cutting my hair, on the top anyway, until it is necessary due to it's thinning consistency. Since that decision that small wisp of a wave has shown up. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens. If I use hair gel, it may or may not happen, but if I don't it happens automatically. I like to think that this is my hair waving good bye to me.

Another one

Just enjoy it. It's short.

SuperMarketStar

I was messing around with my camera at work to do this project. It's just like an excercise to practice video stuff. I was trying to be corny, but even when I attept cheeseball-ness, it seems restrained so it's like I'm serious. Anyway, I hope I don't get fired.
oh, and ARGH, the sound doesnt synch up right.

i'm totally psychic

Last night I had some dreams. As usual I only remember fragments. I remember ordering a vodka tonic at a bar. I remember my co-worker Pete sitting with me in the audience of some event and the dad from That 70's Show was sitting in front of us. Pete was bothering him making smart-ass comments about Eric Foreman.

The only other thing I remember had to do with my friend Garrett. I was in my bedroom and I received a text message from him. It looked as if he was trying to use his T9word thing but forgot to turn it on. That is to say I could barely make out the message. I could make out a little of it. Something about "beast", which would make sense because he's in a band called "Beast, Please Be Still", and something about a spin-off band, a concept not foreign to me, what with the incestuous nature of all the bands in Arcata while I lived there. After (kind of) reading the message, I heard Garrett outside in the living room, visiting with my roommate, Cesar. I went out there and said "Garrett, you've got to learn how to text message." That's what I remember from the dream.

I woke up this morning and turned on my computer. Garrett ims me, which he hardly ever does, and he uses Windows messenger, which we never use. He tells me that he entered the movie he made about me and my friends into the Northwest Film Forum Festival. Then he tells me about "Beast Wants Eternity". This is an amalgamation of his band and another called "Joy Wants Eternity". They are trying to get a bunch of people together to play with another 30-odd member band called "Dark Meat" from Athens, GA, who he tells me has members of "Elf Power" and "Neutral Milk Hotel". He also said I should play with them.

Needless to say I was taken aback. First, I was reeling from my psychic experience, then from the star power of these indie bands, then from the opportunity to play with them (even though I don't really play anymore). However, Garrett spelled all of his instant message correctly, so I'm probably not psychic after all.

fun web stuff

Canadian illustrator Marc Ngui has done a series of intense if not cool posters for the Transportation Department of Finland, about the dangers of being distracted while driving, called "Final Thoughts."


A very design-oriented site, agrayspace.com, has put up a gallery of Polish Movie Posters. They are a lot of fun to look at. There are about 200 here, on one page, so loading may be a pain. Here are a couple for Alien and Sex, lies, and Videotape. Guess which is which.




Plan59.com is a fun site that describes itself as "THE MUSEUM (AND GIFT SHOP) OF MID-CENTURY ILLUSTRATION". They have oodles and oodles of this stuff. They recently started a blog on there called Pastelogram. I can't seem to find an rss feed thing for it. Take a look for me and tell me if I'm just an idiot.

what am i up to?

let's see...
ITEM I've moved my computer from my bedroom to the living room for a couple of reasons. My room was feeling cramped. If I have it out here, I'm more likely to clean up my beer bottles because I'll be afraid of pissing off my roommate rather than let them collect all around my computer table. Also, if I get my room cleaned up, I won't be in there as much to get it dirty again. Plus, it's cooler out here than in there.

ITEM I'm trying to change a lot of my habits. For instance, I'm going to limit myself to 2 beers a night and try to be in bed by 1am on work nights. I think the fewer beers will be easier to achieve than the bedtime.

ITEM Watched a painfully edited version of Showgirls with Jeremy. It made it pretty fun. I was impressed with the animated top they put on Elizabeth Berkley when she kicked that guy's ass.

ITEM Meditating. A lot. I just started so I'm not that good. It's difficult focusing on...nothing. Still, I feel that I'm accepting things I didn't want to accept, understanding things I didn't understand, and viewing things more objectivlier than before. I'm noticing more about myself, the causes of my problems, and hopefully soon I'll be able to focus enough to solve said problems.

ITEM Trying to stay away from the Ativan. They gave it to me to deal with taking SSRIs, but I stopped taking them. I really don't think I need them (the SSRIs). The ativan is nice, but highly addictive, so I try not to use it if at all possible. Today I took half of one lorazepam, then another half a few hours later. I had my reasons, but I have some pot now so I don't think I'll have to deal with the temptation.

ITEM Got my shave kit in the mail! I'm super excited I can't wait to shave tomorrow. I got some pre-shave oil as well. I'm going to be one slick mother fucker.

ITEM College of the Redwoods says I owe them $72 for something. I guess I'll pay them so I can get my transcripts and see if any of my credits will transfer. I'm taking the COMPASS test tomorrow and I'm planning on taking algebra. 9th grade algebra. For the third time. That and an Intro to Art class I failed about six years ago.

ITEM The Seattle Men's Chorus called me today for a fundraising drive thing. I thought I'd throw them a bone. They're getting twenty five tax-deductible dollars from me each quarter. I am now Philthy Phil Philanthropist.

ITEM I am currently opening my second beer and it's 12:54 am. So I guess it's bedtime at 1 am or when my beer's done, whichever comes latest.

ITEM Just saw a photo of Jodie Sweetin. I know she was all on meth and stuff, and I know I'm gay, but isn't she kind of hot?

ITEM Dammit, I forgot I have clothes in the laundry. Well, until next time.

more old art

I don't know why, I just feel like sharing some of this stuff tonight. This is all from high school, I think. As usual, click them to make them bigger. They're prettier that way.

This is Cesar from "The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari."


I have no idea what's going on in this one, but it probably has something to do with why I want to work in an office so badly.

This is a dude with wings. Please refrain from referring to any theology. I'm agnostic, so I assume anything you say is either right or wrong and ultimately doesn't really matter.

total geek

Click It!
I found this comic page I drew in junior high. I remember drawing it, but not the context it was in. As near as I can tell it wasn't part of any real story, the heroes liked to disable faceless soldiers on space ships but were too noble to kill them, and had no trouble flying into the vacuum of space afterwards. The heroes consist of two people made of slime, one girl made of electricity, a cyborg, a guy who could glide, a guy with a metal face and one made up of cosmic energy. Thay also seem very full of themselves. What a fun bunch.
Here's another space drawing, but i did this last year because Sagar was supposed to make a t-shirt of it. He was supposed to do three that I designed. The two others had robots. He never did...but i might still have the designs around...

paintings from last year (at least)

party video

Here's a short video of Jeremy's birthday party. He's not really in it :( When it starts I am already drunk and get progressively drunker. I seem to do nothing but annoy other party goers including Steve2, Earl Cootie and Bucko, Andrew and Chelsea. The saddest part is that the longest part is of Steve2. That's right, Steve. I find it sad. But it was the most coherent piece of footage I had.

party time

First off, photo credit to the last post goes to Earl Cootie (Sorry, I didn't know!)
Now, here are some photos of Jeremy's party:


Why so sad? Think no one will show up? Hogwash!


A bad picture of Keith and Risa. Sorry my camera is the suxxors.


Left to right: Steve1, Matt, Andrew, Bill, Blair


Bill and Kelley (It was her party, too!)


Janice and Steve2.

There were a lot more people, but that's all the photo evidence I have. If you have some, share!

Happy Birthday...

...to one of the greatest living souls to walk this earth (even if he doesnt believe in them.)

High altitudes leave him breathless.
He leaves me breathless.

art- shoeless lady

Way back when, this woman with no shoes asked us for a quarter. We said only if we could take her picture. Years later I used that picture for this illustration. I'm sure I still have the photo but I'm not going to look for it.

KC- optical illusion

You know the old illusion of "Is it an old woman, or a young woman with her head turned?" :

Well, my best friend was fond of making up his own. See if you can solve this one:

(Click to make it bigger. Hint-the hat is on the left)

how i know it's summer

Just like last year, Passions will showcase Miguel and Fox without their shirts on.

KC

"I don't want to go wherever charisma can take me."